Thursday, March 31, 2005

Oh yeah - I am proven correct!!!!

Oh, yeah... my theory has proven correct!!!! (For those of you that don't know, here's the theory to which I am referring). I'm finally proven right about something - I found this hidden Obi-wan preview at the Sideshow site just now - booyakasha!! The funny thing is, I had tried this date before, as it was the next logical choice of Fridays, and nothing came up - they must have JUST made it live! It's not quite what I was expecting - where's the headsculpt (or any sculpt at all for that matter!)? - but it is interesting to say the least. One thing that can be said about it is that it's definitely not something Star Wars fans have ever seen before. Perhaps Sideshow is planning this piece to go along with the FULL Obi-wan figure as an exclusive (which they so love to do), so that we can pose the Vader either dueling the full-on Obi-wan OR standing victoriously over his fallen victim. Interesting idea, I guess we'll see soon enough whether it is an actual planned product. I'm sure other people have found it, as I'm fairly certain that I'm not the only fan who has figured out their genius URL coding :) I couldn't possibly be the only one who has seen this, right? But that would be cool... I alone hold the knowledge... Bwahahaha....

Just in case no one cares about the above (other than me because I'm so self-loving) - here's a fun link, staying on the topic of Star Wars: The Revenge of the Sith "l33t" trailer. Being the geek that I am, I'm obviosly getting quite exciting about the imminent release of ROTS. Even though the first two prequels are definitely not on my top movie list, I can't help but give Ep.3 the benefit of the doubt. Especially seeing how freakin' awesome the Clone Wars has turned out. CW will definitely be a part of the saga in my mind from now on. Although I do think it's pretty pathetic that a cartoon is better than the first two live action movies... but oh well, as an old-school SW fan, I will take what I can get.

[I apologize that this post has been eveb geekier than normal. I promise it won't happen again (or maybe I don't - you better watch out if the Hobbit is ever made!!)]

See ya...

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Isn't the randomness of the world amazing?

This story speaks for itself. It's amazing.

How do you hide your dirty toilet plunger? You obscure it from view (whilst simultaneously drawing even more attention to it) under a Toilet Tree of course (caution: NSFE - Not Safe For Ears). Personally, I am relieved that the leaves are made out of recycled plastic. Don't you just love websites that:
a) Talk to you in a Midwestern accent
b) Are utterly useless?

Use caution when clicking on the following link: Hard-Core LOTR Geeks Only! Gandalf's Diary, penned by the infamous Uftak (aka Mike) of theOneRing.net, is my favorite piece of LOTR parody. It's actually quite clever, if you are familiar with the books/movies. If you aren't, then oh well - skip this one.

As a blogger, I now understand the "inside" jokes of the blogging world - and this one is especially funny. Help! I've become a blogging snob.

This is old news, as Yahoo turned 10 a few weeks ago now (I took advantage of the free Baskin Robbins ice cream, did you?), but I was cleaning out my bookmarks and came across this fun interactive and want to save it for posterity.

Until tomorrow...

Monday, March 28, 2005

NEWS FLASH: The University of Texas is brainwashing your kids to worship the Devil!!!

How completely insane do you have to be to believe this crap? I mean seriously. Insane. The men in white coats are coming with your jacket to take you away now - you'll be safe with them, I promise.

I'm embarrassed to admit to exactly how long I spent playing with this incredibly annoying and totally addicting little piece of flash genius. Hint: guard your vowels with your life.

Welcome to the Blue Tights Adventure Network! (insert witty comment here) Watch in embarrassed silence as Bryan Singer totally rips off Peter Jackson's idea of sending video commentary to a fan site during the production of his current film. Then sit back and enjoy all of Jackson's infinitely superior Production Diaries at KongisKing.net. Note: The diaries on both sites are located on the right-hand side of the pages - in case you're a complete idiot and can't find them on your own. :)

A very helpful little (!) list of descriptive words that can infintely increase your vocubulary in any and all internet flame wars. Take that, you dreck-eating dingus. In related news, today was Dyngus Day for Poles around the world. And for also some wild crazy politicians in South Bend, Indiana. Let the polka-ing begin!

Here's my favorite animated GIF of the week:

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Who knew that Spider Man could bust the moves like that? Is it getting hot in here, or is that just me?? So that's why superheroes wear tights - so they can run straight to Jazzercise classes after saving the world. That's hot. Another Note: I don't know why it came out so small, and I can't make it bigger because Photobucket is very limiting - wah.

And finally, say goodbye to poor Hogzilla. He definitely was an impressive beast. Any relation to Moshzilla I wonder?? (sorry I just couldn't resist the urge to link to that picture again)

Hook 'em

Sunday, March 27, 2005

A brief (and boring) interlude into my life.

Interlude (and a little bit of self-love)

(I just have to get this out, you know? I've finally figured something out on my own.)

As you know, I'm an HTML newbie, and once I start learning something, I quickly become obsessed and convince myself that I NEED to know everything about the topic in question. In order to help with my "real-world learning" of HTML, I've spent the last couple of weeks trying to figure out how webmasters categorize and organize their pages by attempting to locate patterns in the URLs of various websites. Alas, I am horrible with numbers, so most of them are just gibberish to me - especially Google pages - the Google guys should post a warning: "Studying our URLs for extended periods of time has been known to cause brain hemorrhaging. We will not be held responsible for your stupidity in thinking that you could ever possibly figure our system out." Now, obviously Google's system has been deconstructed (WARNING: Extremely dull PDF linkage. This blogger takes no responsibility for any brain hemorrhaging caused by clicking on and reading this link.), but the undeniable truth is that any thought processes this complex could never possibly generate from my measly brain cavity.

But I digress. I believe that I have actually located a definite pattern in the product preview page URLs at Sideshow Collectibles. They are brilliantly simple to figure out (no offense to the webmaster in question). I'm a newsletter member, so I get previews of products before the general public does. Well, I've been paying close attention to those preview pages because, hey, wouldn't it be cool to know what's coming even before the other newsletter members? Of course it would - imagine the power - well maybe not so much - but I've always loved to have the inside scoop - it makes me feel special, which means I probably have a severe emotional problem, but we won't get into that here - don't worry, this is not THAT kind of blog.

Back to the subject at hand - here are a few product preview URLs as an example:

http://www.sideshowtoy.com/cgi-bin/category.cgi?category=031205xander
http://www.sideshowtoy.com/cgi-bin/category.cgi?category=031805demon
http://www.sideshowtoy.com/cgi-bin/category.cgi?category=032505weathertop


I guess you can easily see the patterns (if not, I really don't know what to say) and how they could be exploited by someone as incredibly intelligent as moi. So, the first thing I am doing with this new-found power is searching for a hidden preview page that may have been made (or has yet to be made) for this elusive gem:

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I haven't found it yet, but all fans of Sideshow expect that Obi-wan will be released pretty soon, as this image has been circulating for a while over at Rebelscum and other sites. No one knows exactly when we will see the preview - but I will know first! Bwahahahaha... I will continue to test dates and product names until I'm blue in the face, if for no other reason than to prove that I am right for once. For those of you that are actually actually still reading this, I will post as soon as I find something.

/Interlude (and bragging)

Silly Sunday Cinema #1: "Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe"

I get pretty bored on Sundays. It's a slow day, filled with the impending arrival of Monday. I should probably go outside or do something productive, but instead I have chosen to watch silly movies that get ignored by 99.99% of the population. You know, those movies you often see at the video store and wonder how in the hell they ever got made? Each film will carry an FSB rating (max = 5 FSBs). What is an FSB, you ask? Click here. The more horrible the movie, the higher the FSB rating. I guess you never know, I may just stumble onto a jewel - but probably not. So welcome to my first installment of "Silly Sunday Cinema". Enjoy.

Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe (1991)

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Written and Directed by: Damian Lee
Starring: Jesse "The Rock" Ventura, Sven-Ole Thorsen, and Marjorie Bransfield (featuring an appearance by James Belushi in order to support his then-wife, Marjorie, which I'm guessing didn't quite work out as planned judging from her non-existent career after this movie)
More information, for those who actually care, can be found at IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, or you can watch the unbelievably crappy trailer.

Let me start out by saying that I actually did not rent this movie, but did indeed buy it for a whopping $1.50 at the local Sav-On (which means it's one of those "public domain" thingies that doesn't use the original cover art and has probably cut a little bit out - but fuck it. I mean, am I really gonna miss 15 more minutes of utter shite?). Cheaper than renting, and I can use it as a coaster when I'm done.

Synopsis (from the back of the DVD): "Jesse 'The Body' Ventura stars in this space-action thriller, where two superpowerd, alien beings fight it out for the destiny of the universe! Will Earth be saved or destroyed!?... A special guest appearance by James Belushi."

Here's what I gathered from viewing the film: These "alien beings" look JUST like humans, even to the point that they have fingerprints (although they are "alien" fingerprints of course). They are intergalactic cops called "Finders" who have lived for over 10,000 years and have to keep undergoing a process referred to as "balding" (or maybe "valding"?), which re-makes them or repairs them or something. We soon find out, in a completely unique plot twist, that these mortal enemies were at one time partners. The one played by Sven-Ole Thorsen (named Secundus) has "gone renegade", and is looking to impregnate a woman by placing his glowing hand on her abdomen for 5 seconds, after which she will give birth to a cute and cuddly baby boy in a matter of 2 minutes flat. This baby is called the "co-mater" (or maybe it was "co-mader" - couldn't quite tell due to the horrible dubbing quality), and carries the "anti-life equation" in his brain. Apparently the anti-life equation causes pre-pubescent boys to wet themselves and is also known to impart powers of spontaneous combustion to the holder. I'm not exactly sure why or how this equation is expected to destroy the universe, and it is never explained, much to my chagrin. I doubt even the writers know - it's one of those infinite mysteries that I will just have to accept and move on. Never-the-less, its existence causes Governor Ventura (AKA Abraxas) to hunt Secundus down and many running-through-the-forest, flying-off-the-top-of-moving-vehicles, slo-mo-punching-with-sweat-flying, explosions-caused-by-state-of-the-art-laser-guns shenanigans ensue, all set to the backdrop of melodious Kenny G-like sax playing (interesting choice of soundtrack, to say the least). Oh, and in the meantime, Abraxas falls in love with the mother of the co-mater (AKA Jim Belushi's ex-wife), as if we couldn't see THAT coming from a mile away. This means that he decides that he cannot go through with his orders (which were to kill the co-mater but to spare Secundus, as all Finders take a vow to never kill another Finder - let me stress that it is established early on, and then repeated throughout, that these orders are CRITICAL and that he will be severely punished if he disobeys them). So what happens? He kills Secundus and spares the co-mater, who still retains the anti-life equation of course, and everyone laughs and says good job. A big "WTF??" to that.

Every action movie staple is exploited in the storytelling process (if you can even call it that): A couple making out in the car. The boy not being able to start the car, but Secundus have no problem whatsoever after he dispatches said boy. A needlessly complicated plot, to the extreme. The requisite strip-club scene and shower scene. Incredibly dumb one-liners. Cheesy voice-overs. Chase scenes - and more chase scenes - and more chase scenes- too bad they are incredibly boring and have HORRIBLE special effects. That's another thing - this movie was release in 1991. Well, it must've had a budget of, let's see - ZERO. And at one point a character says, "Can I stay over and watch the TV set?" I have two questions: 1) Was there a person in America in 1991 (who wasn't homeless) who didn't have a television?? - and - 2) Who the hell calls it "the TV set"???

It also has some downright hideous comedy (some of which is delivered by Belushi during his approximately 2 seconds of screen time as a school principal): At one point one of the minor characters tells the other that he should come over for Thanksgiving. "What are you having?", asks one. "Turkey!" replies the other. "Free range?" questions the first. "No, I paid for it." *crickets chirping*

Favorite lines:

"How long before he hits critical mass?"

"Now he's an uncontrollable malcontent. He should have been terminated."

"Are you a birthing member of the human race? I need your body."

"We're still experiencing warp malfunctioning at sector height."

"Have you ever been balded? Let me tell you it's not very pleasant. It involves reinforcing of skeletal and muscle structures by short-wave irradiation and ozone layering to 0.23. Very painful."

- And the best -

A naked Abraxas sitting in bed to the 5-year-old co-mater: "Wanna sit up here with me? I'll tell you a story. It's about two grown men who were partners..." (Tell me, how does something like this make it through the editing process?)

There is one part of the movie that I liked and found slightly amusing - that is, something which was intended to be amusing (I found myself laughing through much of the film, but I somehow doubt that that's what the writer/director had intended for me to be doing). This slightly amusing bit was Abraxas' interaction with his "answer box". The answer box seems to be a little bit like the Hitchhiker's Guide - it will give you the definition of anything in the universe if you ask it. Unlike the HG, it also gives you opinions and orders. And it's female so it gets jealous.

This is how I'd sum this movie up: "The Terminator" meets "Flash Gordon" meets "Die Hard", which had some potential on the writing block but was ruined by over-seriousness, horrible plot points, distracting music, and cheesy special effects (if you can't manage to do them right, don't do them at all!). I would like to know who funded the making of this movie, so I can ask him for money because he quite obviously has more than he knows what to do with.

I give it 4 1/2 FSBs. Avoid it unless you have watched pretty much everything else from Netflix.

Until tomorrow...

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Giving Wendy's the finger (follow-up).

Didn't post yesterday, sorry. I won't give a bullshit excuse; I'm just lazy sometimes.

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I have more links than usual to make up for it today.

Follow up to Thursday's appetizing finger story: Search Continues in Wendy's Finger Case. Gotta love it when there are actual pictures of said finger. Mmmm-mmmm, I've got the cravin' for some chili...

UPDATE: So, I posted that picture of the girl in the mosh pit last week, along with the photoshopped pics, right? Well, I feel a little bad after reading more about Moshzilla - but not really. It's still one of the funniest things I've ever seen. She should be mad at her friends for posting it, not at the internet community, which is obviously going to run with it once it's out there for the world to see. Boy, the internet is a bitch.

For more along those lines, read this on-going email exchange over at Game Revolution, featuring the #1 advocate of frivolous law-suit-filing, Robert MacNichol. It seems he hasn't responded in a couple of weeks, so either he gave up, or he really is going to go through with it. My hero.

I think I was in a weird mood yesterday, but whatever it was, this game made me laugh really hard.

Freddie the Fly shoots the shit with kids in Oregon. In related news, Oregon families are saving major bucks on grocery bills as the "eat your own vomit" craze gains momentum.

A cool hotel in Germany. Not certain about the "friendly jail cell" room (#26), but hey, everybody has their fetishes.

I'm out

Thursday, March 24, 2005

A little finger food never hurt anyone.

I just love this headline: Woman Eating Chili Bites Into Human Finger. Come on girl, quit your whining; it's not like you actually digested the finger. In other news, Wendy's announces new "Finger Lickin' Good" chicken nuggets with special secret ingredient.

What I want to know is how the they propose remembering all the steps in this article about memory loss. Hold on - what was Step 6 again?? Shit...

I wasted quite a bit of time playing with this Portrait Illustration Maker. Here's the outcome:

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(It's a very accurate rendition of my inner beauty.)

To file under "WTF?". I can't believe there are actually people bidding on this - that's just weird.

I guess this has been around since last November at least, but I always sympathize when I see it.

Goodnight

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

"Bloglines" lights up my life.

As I've already pointed out, I'm brand-spankin' new to the wonderful world of blogging (and all the "blog" words that go with it - blogrolling, blogstorm, blogosphere, blogswarm, blogdex, bloggerati - okay people, we're getting a teensy bit carried away here dontcha think? - anyway you get my drift), So, as a n00b, imagine my delight at finding (and revelling in) Bloglines. And to an even greater extent, utilizing Technorati along with it. An RSS reader ONLINE, that can also give me feeds from key-word searches (when used in combination with the feeds provided by my Watchlist on Technorati), wow - just - wow. I know, I know, I'll go crawl back under my rock now...

Useless blog-related trivia of the week: This is supposedly the first ever use of the term weblog. Of course, we all know that everything we read on the "internets" is true.

PSA - If anyone feels the urge to buy me a Christmas gift, please avoid Clocky (my, that's an original name - those British inventors must have spent YEARS coming up with it). I would most likely toss it out the window after a couple of mornings. And what's it made out of anyway? Coral?? But it would be fun to watch it scare the cats.

If you are not familiar with this guy's ongoing attempts to get store employees to compare his credit card signature to what he actually signs on the receipt, read it. It had me laughing and snorting like a champ. Having done my share of retail work, I can relate to the confusion and inaction on the part of the cashiers. This being understood, I don't agree with him that it's entirely the credit card companies' fault - the stores need to shoulder a large portion of the responsibility, as they are ultimately in charge of training their employees to cross-check signatures. I've never had a problem with identity/credit card theft though, so I mostly just find his antics amusing and not at all scary.

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And with that, I'm outta here.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Why Britney Spears Hates HDTV!

This article is absolutely horrible. And it must have been a pretty popular site because it came up on MSNBC's most-clicked list (and yes, I do realize that I just made it even more popular by linking to it - too damn bad). I just cannot believe someone took the time to ponder who looks better and who looks worse on HDTV AND THEN to write up a list. Why why why does it matter so god-damned much to people that Cameron Diaz has pock marks? Or that Michael Douglas and Jamie Lee Curtis are getting old? Seriously, it bothers me. I mean, come on people... get a life and do more stuff like this instead, which is pretty much a complete waste of time, but at least it's occasionally clever and not mean to people just because they are celebrities and we're jealous.

A clever (and time consuming) Bohemian Rhapsody parody from Britain.

Here's a blog written by a guy who's currently teaching English in Japan. It's worth reading just for the fact that it's always informative and interesting to read about other cultures' every-day lives and idiosyncrasies - this one just happens to be pretty funny at the same time. Pay close attention to the game that Japanese school children apparently love to play called "Kancho". To bring on my next trip to Japan:
underwear - check
digital camera - check
Dance Dance Revolution tips - check
baggy pants - double check

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See ya

Monday, March 21, 2005

Don't you just hate online quizzes?

Most of them are really dumb, but I had to post this Monty Python one. It brings back fun memories of high school and the good old Ministry of Silly Walks:

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Plus, for an EW quiz, it's fairly difficult for someone who hasn't really watched any MP stuff since college (I only got 6 correct - and I call myself a fan - I'm really just a poser).

I don't really have anything else to say, and I have a pounding headache brought upon by eating too much chocolate, so...

Goodbye

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Eeeeeeexcellent.

I cannot believe that I forgot to mention The Simpsons as one of my favorite TV shows, although it has recently been lacking - I suppose after 16 seasons it's pretty damn hard to keep up the level of wit that some of the earlier episodes achieved effortlessly. Groening should have quit while he was ahead, IMO. (For more along that train of thought, visit this site.) At least I have the DVDs to keep me happy.

On that note, I just received my weekly e-newsletter from Sideshow, and check this out! An entire collection of the Simpsons figures up for grabs AND a caption contest - what more could I ask for?

In totally unrelated news, this donkey is in a lot of trouble:

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Caption, anyone? I don't have any Simpsons figures to give away, but I'll laugh really hard and probably snort while doing it, which will make it worth your while.

Au revoir

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Holy flaming shit balls, Batman!

I've had a favorite saying for a while now - "shit balls of fire" (ie: "Goodness, gracious, shit balls of fire!") - I'm not exactly sure from whence it came, but that's not really the point, now is it? I enjoy saying it, and that's enough for me. Little did I know that flaming shit balls (now known as "FSBs") really do exist. Wow. I'm speechless. Anybody else out there in the ether have an FSB story to share?

It's the weekend, so I'm cutting this short. But let me leave you with some Open Screen Night goodness (click on "click here to watch this movie" - duh) brought to you by the Alamo Drafthouse, the best movie theater in the galaxy - nay, the universe.

Auf wiedersehen

Friday, March 18, 2005

Well, I'm back.

So, let me just start off by saying that I hardly know any HTML coding. My spiffy new trick (and the extent of my knowledge to-date) is coding a hyperlink to pop-up using a new window... shazam!! (oooowwww, my eyes... That color is horrible - sorry about that.) Whoever said "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" quite obviously didn't know what he was talking about.

Speaking of dogs - a friend sent me this awesome picture of some skank throwing down in the pit, with guys looking on in horror. And there is this progression of photoshopped pics that ROCK. I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Poor girl. The internet is a cruel, cruel place.

Before posting yesterday, I signed up for a G-Mail account just for this blog - shopforsanity at gmail dot com - even though I have read some bad reports about it. I figure as long as I'm not transferring any sensitive information through it, I won't worry. I do love my Google.

This is just an experiment: Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.

Here's another random site that a friend recommended. This guy is one of those "How do these people find the time in their day to do these things?" examples. Brilliant!

I got this link from an MSNBC blog, which means it's probably pretty popular and a lot of people have already seen it, but I loved it, so there.

On the same note, I've apparently been living under a rock for the past 3 or 4 years because I have been totally oblivious to this phenomenon circulating around the 'net. Here is a little more information about the history of the AYB phenomenon for those of you who have been under that rock with me. It's pretty dark down here, but there's a little light coming in now!

That's all for today.

Adios

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

So, here I am - a Blogging newbie. After quite a few years of reading about blogs and wishing I could do that, I have been inspired by Tony Pierce's 2005 Bloggie award-winning article. My plan for this blog is to provide links to interesting stuff that one doesn't normally run into on an every-day basis. Much along the lines of Fark or Metafilter but with different links and a little more commentary. So many of those same links just get passed back-and-forth through the same old channels that I think there's a need for a fresh perspective. But I'm really doing it for myself so that I can store all my cool links without overwhelming my Bookmarks folder! I'll try to make it interesting and fun for anyone who happens to stop by, but I can't promise anything :) If you're so inclined, leave me comments and post more links - I would love that... anything to expand my horizons - like Johnny 5 , I need more input!! Ocassionally I will throw out my opinions about certain subjects - but not about silly things like politics or religion, which will never give us "true" answers and have been WAY overexposed in the blogging world, IMO. No, no, no - on the contrary, my opinions will be given regarding the important things in life, those that will lead to true enlightenment:

1) MOVIES - Rotten Tomatoes is the best review site because it combines all reviews into one location so that you don't have to go traipsing all over the 'net for info on your fav, and my most oft-read movie site is Ain't It Cool News, not really for the news so much as for the Talkbacks - classic examples of internet arguments - "you're wrong" - "no you're wrong" - "no you're wrong, you child-eating, goat-fucking, Nazi-loving, FAG!!!!!!11!!1" Tune in daily to get your FDA-approved injection of flame wars at their best.

2) TELEVISION - Some of my favorite series: X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel), Alias, Lost, Arrested Development, and Scrubs. Although I don't get a lot of free time to watch TV, I still enjoy these when I can (and especially now that the DVDs of most of the above are widely released).

3) LITERATURE - Especially Fantasy and Horror genres.

4) COLLECTIBLES - Some people call these things "toys", but the figures Sideshow releases are quite literally works of art.... in fact, they do even offer original works of art (There's no way I can afford them, but please allow a geeky girl her dreams!).

5) MUSIC - especially weird off-the-wall stuff like this, which will ultimately prove that Leonard Nimoy is, in fact, an alien.

And finally:

6) PEOPLE WITH ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS - possibly the most important topic of them all!

Quick intro of myself: All you really need to know about me is that I am female, I like all of the above topics (and more), and you can call me Carol Danvers (AKA Ms. Marvel) 'cuz I like her leotard and boots and she was "born" in the same year as me. I figured that St. Patrick's Day was a great day to start blogging due to the fact that I'm half-Irish. Here's to the "luck o' the Irish"!

So that's the end for today. I'll try to post new and exciting links daily, but no promises!

Ciao